Weekend Update on Fake News Sites – SNL

Weekend Update on Fake News Sites – SNL


[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
AMERICANS ARE STILL PROTESTING DONALD TRUMP’S PRESIDENCY.
WITH MORE ON THIS, HERE’S PETE DAVIDSON.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>PETE, YOU HAVE SOME FANS.
HOW ARE YOU DOING, PETE?>>PRETTY BAD, COLIN, DOING
PRETTY BAD.>>REALLY?
>>YEAH.>>OH, WELL I KNOW A LOT OF THE
PEOPLE ARE UPSET ABOUT THIS ELECTION.
BUT THEY ENDED UP LEGALIZING WEED IN A COUPLE OF STATES.
THAT’S GOT TO CHEER YOU UP, RIGHT?
>>IT SHOULD. BUT NO IT’S RUINED WEED FOR ME
FOREVER. DONALD TRUMP BEING PRESIDENT IS
SOMETHING I USED TO SAY WHEN I WAS HIGH AND LAUGH AT HOW CRAZY
IT IS. AND I’M HIGH RIGHT NOW AND IT IS
NOT FUNNY. [ LAUGHTER ]
THEY SAID, GIVE TRUMP A CHANCE. AND THE FIRST THING HE DID IS
HIRE A CHIEF STRATEGIST WHO EVERYBODY IS SAYING HATES JEWS.
THEY SAID, “NO, BANNON DOESN’T HATE JEWISH PEOPLE, HE’S WORKED
ALONGSIDE THEM.” YEAH, AND MEL GIBSON DID FOUR
“LETHAL WEAPONS” WITH DANNY GLOVER.
THAT PROVES NOTHING. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>DO YOU THINK THERE COULD BE ANY UPSIDE TO TRUMP BEING
PRESIDENT?>>YEAH, HE’LL PROBABLY REDUCE
CRIME IN THE REAL ESTATE BUSINESS BY NO LONGER WORKING IN
THE REAL ESTATE BUSINESS. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
>>WHAT DO YOU THINK THE WORST PART OF HIM BEING PRESIDENT’S
GOING TO BE?>>NOW ANYONE THINKS THEY COULD
RUN FOR OFFICE. EVEN KANYE THINKS HE CAN BE
PRESIDENT. HE’S BEEN SAYING HE LOVES TRUMP,
AND IS GOING TO RUN AGAINST HIM. LIKE HE HEARD PEOPLE SAYING THIS
WAS THE GREATEST THREAT AMERICA’S EVER FACED AND HE WAS
LIKE, “NO, I’M THE GREATEST!” [ LAUGHTER ]
WE AS A COUNTRY NEED TO AGREE THAT IF IT ISN’T OVER A SICK
BEAT WE DON’T WANT TO LISTEN TO ANYTHING KANYE WEST HAS TO SAY
EVER AGAIN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
LET’S BE CLEAR. I’M NOT INNOCENT.
I’VE SAID SOME KANYE-LIKE STUFF. LIKE, A FEW WEEKS AGO I GOT IN A
LITTLE TROUBLE BECAUSE I SAID SOME THINGS ABOUT MY HOMETOWN,
OUR HOMETOWN, STATEN ISLAND. I WAS JUST KIDDING AROUND WHEN I
SAID, HURRICANE SANDY SHOULD HAVE FINISHED THE JOB.
[ AUDIENCE OHS ] [ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH. PEOPLE WERE MAD.
BUT TO BE FAIR I WAS RAISED THERE.
YOU KNOW? SO STATEN ISLAND SHOULD KIND OF
SHARE SOME OF THE BLAME. IT WAS A PRETTY STATEN ISLAND
THING TO SAY. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND I WAS GOING TO APOLOGIZE, I THEN SAW THIS.
THIS IS HOW THE FIVE BOROUGHS OF NEW YORK VOTED.
YOU SEE THAT BIG RED OPEN WOUND? THAT’S STATEN ISLAND.
THE HERPES OF BOROUGHS. [ LAUGHTER ]
NOW DO YOU SEE WHY I CAN’T STAND US?
THIS IS WHAT I REALLY WANTED TO SAY.
I KNOW A LOT OF YOU ARE UPSET, SCARED AND SAD, MYSELF INCLUDED.
TO EVERYONE FEELING THAT WAY I THINK IT’S REALLY IMPORTANT TO
HOLD ON TO THAT RAGE AND HOLD ON TO YOUR ANGER AND FRUSTRATION
AND LET IT BUILD AND BUILD SO YOU CAN RELEASE IT AT THE EXACT
RIGHT MOMENT. THANKSGIVING.
[ LAUGHTER ] YOUR FAMILY WANTED TRUMP?
THIS IS WHAT THEY’RE GOING TO HEAR THE WHOLE ENTIRE DAY.
HEY, GRANDPA! CAN YOU TAKE A SECOND AWAY FROM
LOVING HITLER TO PASS THE POTATOES?
HEY, I CAN’T WAIT TO PLAY OUR ANNUAL GAME OF SHEETS VERSUS
SKINS. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND I’LL BE ON THE FRONT LINES, BECAUSE I’M HAVING THANKSGIVING
IN STATEN ISLAND.>>PETE DAVIDSON, EVERYONE.
>>I WAS RIGHT! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>”PEOPLE” MAGAZINE’S SEXIEST
MAN ALIVE IS DWAYNE “THE ROCK” JOHNSON.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] HE ONCE AGAIN BEAT HIS LONG-TIME
RIVAL DWAYNE “THE SCISSORS” JOHNSON.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>THAT WAS BAD.
PRESIDENT OBAMA THIS WEEK CRITICIZED THE SPREAD OF FAKE
NEWS ON SOCIAL MEDIA. BUT CAN WE REALLY TRUST A GUY
WHO’S ALSO A SECRET GAY ALIEN? [ LAUGHTER ]
>>GOOD POINT, MAN.>>SCIENTISTS HAVE DISCOVERED A
SPECIES OF MILLIPEDE THAT HAS FOUR OF ITS LEGS MODIFIED TO ACT
AS PENISES. AND WE ACTUALLY HAVE SOME
FOOTAGE OF THE ANIMAL, LET’S TAKE A LOOK.
>>OW, OW, OW. OW, OW, OW.
OW, OW, OOH! [ LAUGHTER ]
>>A NEO-NAZI HAS DECLARED NEW BALANCE THE OFFICIAL SHOES OF
WHITE PEOPLE. BUT IF NEW BALANCE IS THE
OFFICIAL SHOES OF WHITE PEOPLE, THEN WHAT ARE CROCS?
[ LAUGHTER ]>>A MAN ON AN AFRICAN SAFARI
FELL OFF OF A HORSE WHILE BEING CHASED BY A LION.
“WELL, THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE,” SAID THE HORSE.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>THE DATING APP TINDER
>>THE DATING APP TINDER ANNOUNCED A NEW FEATURE WHICH
GIVES USERS 37 DIFFERENT GENDER IDENTITY OPTIONS.
IT’S CALLED, “WHY DEMOCRATS LOST THE ELECTION.”
[ LAUGHTER ] [ LAUGHTER ]
>>THURSDAY IS THANKSGIVING. I FOR ONE AM REALLY NOT LOOKING
FORWARD TO IT. BUT HERE TO CHEER ME UP IS THE
MOST OPTIMISTIC GUY I KNOW, MY NEIGHBOR WILLIE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>HOW ARE YOU DOING?
OH, I JUST LOVE THANKSGIVING. MY WHOLE FAMILY GETTING
TOGETHER, SITTING AROUND THE TABLE, GIVING ME AN ULTIMATUM TO
QUIT DRINKING. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>THAT SOUNDS TERRIBLE, MAN.>>OH, FAMILY TIME IS THE BEST
PART OF THANKSGIVING, MICHAEL. REMINDS ME OF WHEN I WAS A
LITTLE BOY. ME AND MY COUSINS GOING TO OUR
GRANDPARENTS’ HOUSE. SNEAKING A SIP OF WARM, SPICY
CIDER FROM MY GRANDDADDY’S BEDPAN.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>DUDE!
>>BOY DO I MISS MY GRANNY’S COOKING.
YOU WOULD HAVE LOVED HER FAMOUS PECAN PIE.
THAT CRUST WAS SO FLAKY, PECANS SO JUICY.
YOU CAN BARELY TASTE THE LEGS. I CAN STILL HEAR GRANDMAMA NOW.
THERE’S ROACHES IN THAT PIE, WILLIE!
>>THAT’S DISGUSTING. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>OOH! DON’T YOU JUST LOVE WATCHING
FOOTBALL ON THANKSGIVING DAY, MICHAEL?
IT REMINDS ME OF WHEN I’D WATCH THE GAME ON TV WITH MY DADDY.
HE’D POINT TO THE SCREEN AND SAY, “SON, YOU SEE THAT MAN
RUNNING WITH THE BALL? THAT’S O.J. SIMPSON.
HE HAD SEX WITH YOUR MAMA AND ONE DAY I’M GOING TO FRAME HIM
FOR MURDER.” [ LAUGHTER ]
>>COME ON, MAN!>>WELL, I MEAN, SURE.
I MAY NOT LIVE A LIFE OF LUXURY. MAYBE I DON’T HAVE A COAT OR
TOENAILS. [ LAUGHTER ]
BUT I DO HAVE SOMETHING THAT NOBODY CAN EVER TAKE AWAY FROM
ME.>>WHAT’S THAT?
>>OUTSTANDING WARRANTS. [ LAUGHTER ]
LET ME TELL YOU, MICHAEL. I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE THAT MACY’S
PARADE AGAIN. YOU EVER GO THERE AS A KID?
>>I HAVE, ACTUALLY.>>YOU SEE ALL THOSE BIG, PRETTY
BALLOONS? I REMEMBER EVERY THANKSGIVING MY
UNCLE JOE WOULD SHOW ME WOODY WOODPECKER.
THEN HE’D ZIP UP HIS PANTS AND DRIVE ME DOWN TO THE PARADE.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]>>YEAH, MAN.
I REALLY CAN’T RELATE TO ANY OF THIS STUFF, WILLIE.
>>YOU KNOW WHO REALLY LOVES THANKSGIVING.
OH MY OWN DOG LUCIUS. EVERY YEAR I TAKE HIM TO THE
TURKEY FARM TO PLAY WITH THE TURKEYS.
YOU SHOULD SEE HIM JUST WRESTLING AND TUMBLING, FEATHERS
FLYING EVERYWHERE. IF YOU LISTEN REAL CLOSE IT
ALMOST SOUNDS LIKE OLD LUCIUS IS DEFINITELY CRYING FOR HELP.
BUT IT’S LIKE THEY ALWAYS SAY, MICHAEL.
THOSE TURKEYS IS RUNNING A TRAIN ON YOUR DOG, WILLIE!
>>MY NEIGHBOR WILLIE, EVERYBODY!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>FOR “WEEKEND UPDATE” I’M
MICHAEL CHE!>>I’M COLIN JOST, GOOD NIGHT!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ♪♪♪

100 Replies to “Weekend Update on Fake News Sites – SNL

  1. To be honest, people just need to learn to enjoy life. I'm Republican but I laugh about jokes for trump, I won't start a protest over every little thing somebody says, the sketch is funny so just enjoy it. No need to get political.

  2. How long before Ariana Grande dumps this goblin looking skeleton like an old Hermes handbag…. He's the new "look at my funny but ugly boyfriend!" trend…. Now hot girls will date ugly guys thanks to Ariana's charity… She won't think its cute anymore after a month

  3. I'm sure Ariana Grande would have dated Pete Davidson if he was not on SNL and just saw him standing in line at Walgreens….. She would laugh at him if he wasn't on TV… Typically shallow girls using guys as clothing accessories

  4. Pete's with Ariana Grande…That's the joke. Just waiting for Honey Boo Boo to start fucking Idris Elba while wearing a Jabba the Hut mask. It'd be just as believable

  5. The pop up ads are irritating, &occur in the middle of the programming. When I get irritated, I then decide that I NEVER AGAIN BUY THE PRODUCT NO MATTER WHAT!!!

  6. They best part of Trump's presidency is that all the idiot socialist Democrat's heads are exploding….lol… Death to communism!

  7. He would show me Woody Woodpecker and Then would zip up his pants
    Dang that's some funny and disturbing shit

  8. bra is dateing Ariana …….. I was going to say something witty but damn it just sunk in DUDE IS dateing Ariana Grande! 0:15

  9. 4:30 its been some time and the irony of that 1 woo before the joke is great. This bit is probably the most relevant joke in the entire skit and it was glossed over. It really does put in a nutshell what is wrong with the values people care about as opposed to what the country actually needed. worse still being that trump conned the entire country into thinking that he was the answer.

  10. Kennan Thompson is always so hilarious , but Pete Davidson is such a faggot. On top of having super predictable jokes , the guy has a Hillary Clinton tattoo . It’s already gay enough when a man chooses to vote for a man-hating treasonous crook, but having a tattoo of her is fruitcake overdrive

  11. The idea to put Marc Lamont
    Hill in the same category as Louis Farrakhan is proof that CNN has no ethical concept of true Journalism.

  12. Every now and then I wonder why I quit watching SNL. I then find a you tube and it comes back. Left wing politics.

  13. I only clicked on this video for the segment with Willie. Skipped the rest, especially when I saw Davidson's ugly face.

  14. How funny, that this show, that's full of people who are not in the least bit aware of how racist and bigoted, they have been against this President. Seriously, Trump is related to Jews. AH had his known Jewish relatives exterminated. SNL has always taken shots at politicians, but that inappropriate humor only appeals to mutual haters.

  15. Fuck pete davidson hes a bitch!!!! And fuck him hes as wieny as i can spell and/or come up with something integent to say!

  16. Im actually mad at his joke of hurricane sandy could have finished the job because I lost my house because of hurricane sandy. And I was like 6

  17. i dont know willy …
    dohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh come on Michael

  18. It's really sad to see how butt hurt you democrats were and still are over Trump whooping Hilary's behind. I almost feel sorry for you suckers… Not, hahahhahaha

  19. 0:20 that was a simpler time wasn't it? We're going to have to carry Bozo the clown out of the WH "Assange style"!

  20. Kenan thompson. Brings a smile. From india here and love him so much. He, bill hader and kevin hart shud team up and put up a show or a movie.

  21. "We as a country need to agree that if it isn't over a sick beat, we don't want to listen to anything Kanye West has to say ever again."

    WORD

  22. Hey Colin, why are people bummed about the election? Are you and SNL advocating one side or the other? Face it, Hilary was nothing but a good for nothing 2 face, media Gloria hound. An she did nothing but get U S troops killed because she is nothing but an old dried up bitch. Go blow your hubbie like you should have been and stay out of the spotlight you wrinkled up piece of shit.

  23. Nikki M is Sheeba Leticcia Rae is Bathseeba Maddam Ho Iron Bttuerfly collent dong bags at massage parlors and makes custome jeans……….I am the Son of Man Josie Whales Father of Bob Marley I am teh good dentist Caine who set Jango who is very able free as I killed my brother out of jealosy. He save me a Gol Gothe the Nazi Schulled him..now they learn big lesson. The made 50 shades of grey Daddy Green makes a golden Pizza.

  24. Damn, Pete spit some funny truths.
    I believe this is the smartest writing Pete has done ever since the Doing Doing dance from that Chad auction video.

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