Joe Wong: Building A Wall Didn’t Work For China


>>Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW. FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST IS A
STAND-UP COMEDIAN AND THE HOST OF MY FAVORITE LATE-NIGHT SHOW
IN CHINA, “IS IT TRUE?” PLEASE WELCOME, ALL THE WAY FROM
BEIJING, JOE WONG! ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )>>HELLO. HI, EVERYBODY. HELLO, PEOPLE UP THERE. HELLO. SO, I AM ACTUALLY AN AMERICAN
IMMIGRANT. AND THEY SAY THAT AMERICA IS A
COUNTRY OF IMMIGRANTS. SO I HAVE TO ASK YOU GUYS–
PLEASE, LEAVE MY COUNTRY. ( LAUGHTER )
I’M SERIOUS. WE HAVE A ZERO-TOLERANCE POLICY
RIGHT NOW. ( LAUGHTER )
I HEARD THAT ASIANS HAVE BECOME THE FASTEST GROWING IMMIGRANT
GROUP IN AMERICA, WHICH IS REALLY AMAZING BECAUSE MEXICANS
CAN CROSS THE RIVER AND COME HERE. AND I HAD TO FLY THOUSANDS OF
MILES TO MEXICO– ( LAUGHTER )
AND THEN CROSS THAT RIVER. TRUMP WANTS TO BUILD A WALL TO
STOP IMMIGRATION. I’M FROM CHINA. ( LAUGHTER )
SO I KNOW A LOT ABOUT WALLS. THEY DON’T WORK. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS )
AND SINCE IT’S LATER, IT’S JUST GOING TO BECOME A HUGE TOURIST
ATTRACTION. ( LAUGHTER )
BUT I DO RESPECT TRUMP, THOUGH, BECAUSE AFTER HE TOOK OFFICE,
THERE WAS THE K.K.K. MARCH, ANTI-K.K.K. MARCH, WOMEN’S
MARCH, ANTI-CHILD SEPARATION MARCH. AND YOU KNOW HOW MUCH AMERICANS
HATE EXERCISE. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) HE HAS CONTRIBUTED MORE TO
AMERICANS’ HEALTH THAN ALL OF THE Y.M.C.A.s COMBINED. ( LAUGHTER )
AND HE ALSO CONTRIBUTES TO THE HEALTH OF OTHER COUNTRIES,
BECAUSE LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE. ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I MEAN, YOU HAVE SEEN HIS
PERFORMANCE AT THE U.N.? ( LAUGHTER )
HE KILLED. THEY WERE PROBABLY EVEN A BETTER
AUDIENCE THAN YOU GUYS ARE. ( LAUGHTER )
JUST KIDDING. YOU GUYS ARE GREAT. MY SON WAS BORN AND RAISED IN
AMERICA. I REMEMBER ONE DAY HE CAME
HOME– HE CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL. THAT WAS WHEN HE WAS ABOUT FIVE
YEARS OLD. HE SAID TO ME, “HEY, DAD, I
LEARNED AMERICAN HISTORY TODAY.” I SAID, WOW, THAT’S GREAT.” HE SAID, “NOW I REALLY FEEL BAD
FOR BLACK PEOPLE.” I SAID, “YEAH, THEY’RE REALLY
MISTREATED IN AMERICAN HISTORY.” HE SAID, “YEAH, AND I’M SO GLAD
THAT I’M WHITE.” ( LAUGHTER )
I SAID, “HOLD ON. ( LAUGHTER )
YOU’RE NOT WHITE.” HE SAID, “WHAT AM I?”
I SAID, “YOU’RE YELLOW.” THIS IS A TRUE STORY. HE TOOK A LOOK AT I HAD HAND. HE WAS LIKE, “DADDY, THIS
DOESN’T LOOK YELLOW TO ME.” I SAID, “YES, I KNOW, BUT THIS
IS AMERICA AND EVERYBODY HAS TO HAVE A COLOR, AND THAT’S THE
COLOR THEY GAVE US. YOU BETTER DEAL WITH IT.” ( LAUGHTER )
BUT MY SON HAS A GOOD POWNT, THOUGH. NOBODY IN AMERICA, ESPECIALLY A
PERSON OF COLOR, IS EXACTLY THE COLOR THEY ARE ASSIGNED, YOU
KNOW. LIKE, THIS IS NOT EXACTLY
YELLOW. IT’S KIND OF BROWN. A BLACK PERSON IS NOT EXACTLY
BLACK. THEY’RE KIND OF BROWN. SO WE’RE PRETTY MUCH ALL
DIFFERENT SHADES OF MEXICANS. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS )
SO, WHITE PEOPLE, PLEASE DON’T FEEL LEFT OUT. I HAVE A LOT OF THINGS IN COMMON
WITH WHITE GUYS. FOR EXAMPLE, I HAVE AN ASIAN
WIFE. ( LAUGHTER )
ALL RIGHT, THAT’S ABOUT MY TIME. THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANKS. THANKS A LOT.>>Stephen: JOE WONG, EVERYBODY! WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *