Gutfeld: Don’t be filled with dread, America


[LAUGHTER] YOU REMEMBER USA TODAY, RIGHT? THEY PUBLISHED A SURVEY THIS WEEK CLAIMING AMERICANS ARE FACING THE NEXT ELECTION. LIZ WARRANT DANCING? BETO TALKING? ANOTHER JOE BIDEN GASPED? REMEMBER WHEN I WAS PRESIDENT IN CANDYLAND AND MY ROOMMATE TAKE HIS ROCKET TO SPACESHIP? IT’S LIKE HE’S A 10-YEAR-OLD TELLING HIS DREAMS. THIS IS DREAD OF AN ELECTION RESULTS THEY CAN’T BE INTERRUPTED. IT COULD HAVE INFLUENCED OUR OUTLOOK.>>THE PRESIDENT IS A FOREIGN AGENT,.>>ANY OF YOU STILL BELIEVE HE COULD BE ON RUSSIAN ASSET?>>I THINK IT’S POSSIBLE.>>MANY OF YOU ARE SAYING THIS IS A DAY YOU WILL LIVE AND YOU’VE HEARD ME.>>A SYMBOL OF AMERICA’S PROTECTION DIED. [LAUGHTER]>>FOR THREE YEARS, YOU HAD MEDIA CREATING HYSTERIA WITH COMMENTATORS PRETENDING TO BE NEWS LEADERS, CORRECTING, IT WAS ALL BS. IT LEFT US QUESTIONING WHETHER ANY ELECTION RESULTS THAT YOU LIKE WILL EVER BE ACCEPTED AGAIN. NOT BECAUSE THE RUSSIANS MIGHT COLLUDE BUT BECAUSE THE MEDIA AND DEMOCRATS WILL COLLUDE AND REFUSE RESULTS THEY HATE. YOU WOULD THINK THE MEDIA WOULD HAVE LEARNED AFTER ALL THIS.>>HE KEEPS TURNING UP AGAIN AND AGAIN. A SHORT MAN COMES FROM A HE’S THE KEY THAT UNLOCKS THAT DOOR.>>THOSE ARE GOOD TIMES. YOU WOULD THINK THEY WOULD MOVE ON BUT NO. A PLAY INTO ACTS.>>SINGLE SOURCE HAS TOLD ME THAT THE TERMS DOCUMENT THERE SHOW HE HAS COSIGNERS, THAT’S HOW HE WAS ABLE TO OBTAIN THOSE LOANS. THE COSIGNERS ARE RUSSIAN OLIGARCHS.>>I DISCUSSED INFORMATION THAT WASN’T RENTED FOR REPORT. IT SAID IF TRUE, AS I DISCUSSED THE INFORMATION, WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I DID NOT GO THROUGH THE RIGOROUS VERIFICATION PROCESS HERE AT MSNBC BEFORE REPEATING WHAT I HEARD FROM MY SOURCE. I SHOULD NOT HAVE SAID IT ON AIR OR POSTED IT ON TWITTER. I WAS WRONG TO DO SO.>>I’M NO EXPERT BUT I CAN SAY THAT WASN’T IT. [LAUGHTER] TO HIS CREDIT, HE APOLOGIZED. HE STILL REFUSES TO ADMIT THEIR ROLE IN COLLUSION CAP. IT’S AN ABOVE GROUND SEWER AND THEY JUST KEEP DUMPING MORE ON. THERE’S NOTHING AMERICANS DREAD, IT’S THE DEMOCRATS. HOW WILL YOU SAY WHAT’S WE DUG UP SOME PICTURES FROM BERNIE, JOE AND LIZ’S CHILDHOOD. [LAUGHTER] NOW VOTERS ARE WORRIED. ME, TOO. EVERY MORNING, ROHIT. THINK SOME OF THE CANDIDATES HAVE AN AGE PROBLEM? WE COULDN’T AGREE MORE. THEY ARE WAY TOO YOUNG. SHUSHING PEOPLE AT MOVIE THEATERS, CUTTING CLIENTS AT THE BUFFET, TURNING THE LIGHTS OFF IN EVERY ROOM, GIVING THE CASHIER WHEN PURCHASING THEIR SOCKS. EVERYONE SHUT UP, THEY ARE NOT CONVINCED. YOUR GRANDPA STRANGLED ENOUGH. CALL IN SICK AFTER A BAD NIGHT OF SUSHI. YOU SPENT WEEKENDS IN THE BOTTOMLESS FRONT. GREAT UNCLE STILL HAS MOONSHINE IN THE BATHTUB. THEY SOLD IT TO THE COPS FOR A MASSIVE PROFIT. THE SUPER CANDIDATES OF AMERICA. [LAUGHTER] WE LOVE OLDER PEOPLE HERE. AGE ISN’T THE BIGGEST CONCERN. THE BIG PROBLEM IS CREDIBILITY. DO WE HAVE CONFIDENCE IN ANY OF THESE PEOPLE? DO WE TRUST THE MEDIA? THESE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE COMBING. HE LEAKED PHONY INFO TO THE MEDIA AND DEMANDED AN APOLOGY AFTER LEAKING PHONY INFO TO THE MEDIA. IN HIS HEAD, HE BELIEVED THE REPORT VINDICATED HIM. HE SEES HIMSELF ROUNDING THE BASES AFTER HITTING A GRAND SLAM. WHEN REALITY, HE JUST CRAPPED HIS PANTS. I KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE. [LAUGHTER] IT’S NO WONDER AMERICANS ARE FILLED WITH DREAD. YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE. YOU KNOW WHAT I DREAD? ANY MEDICAL PROCEDURE INVOLVING A TUBE. ANY NEW RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS ALBUM. A CHILD WITH STICKY HANDS WHO WANT TO HUG. I DREAD BEING RECOGNIZED AT A BIRD. BARR. I DREAD ELEVATOR CONVERSATIONS. MONDAY TO WEDNESDAY, IT’S SO HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND? WEDNESDAY TO FRIDAY, IT’S SO, DO YOU HAVE PLANS FOR THE WEEKEND? I DREAD WHEN MY SHAMPOO GETS GHOST SO LOW, I HAVE TO USE HAND SOAP WHICH IS WHAT I NORMALLY DRINK WHEN I RUN OUT OF WINE. THERE’S NOTHING TO DREAD ABOUT THE ELECTION. IF YOU LIKE TRUMP AND HE WINS, YOU GET FOR YEARS. IF HE LOSES, YOU GET EIGHT TO 12 MORE YEARS. YOU THANK YOU WILL JUST RETIRE AND MOVE TO THE VILLAGES? JUST GET A SLICE OF PUMPKIN BREAD AT STARBUCKS? NO.

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