-Well, my new poll numbers are
in, and it’s not looking good. There’s only one thing
left to do — make cold calls
to normal, everyday Americans and try to win back
their support. [ Line ringing ] Congratulations,
you’re speaking to Donald Trump. I’m calling undecided voters who are way less rich
and way less successful than me. What poor loser
am I speaking to? [ Cheers and applause ] -Mike Bloomberg. -Wait a second. The Michael Bloomberg of
Bloomberg News and Bloomberg TV? -That’s right. -And “Bloomberg Med”
and “Chicago Bloomberg” and “Bloomberg 3: Tokyo Drift”? -Sure, Donald.
-Well, this is fantastic. I was gonna ask you
for your vote, but now that I have you
on the phone, how about I just ask you some
questions like an interview? Even a stable genius like me
would like to pick Mike Bloomberg’s very smart,
very huge brain. -You know I’m running
against you, right? -Like I said — very dumb brain. It’s a teeny-tiny,
very small brain. Okay, let’s get started — Why exactly are you running
for president? -Well, I’ve joined the race to return our country to sanity
and honesty… [ Cheers and applause ] …so we can be proud
of America again, and step one is giving you
a New York goodbye. [ Cheers and applause ] -Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. What’s a New York goodbye? -Sending you back to Queens
in a Yellow Cab while Times Square Elmo
flips you off. [ Laughter,
cheers and applause ] -Wow. That’s very mean, Mike.
Very mean. Very nasty. Very nasty. Very nasty answer. Didn’t expect that from you.
Very, very nasty. Next question —
What makes you think you’d be a better president
than me? And you can’t cheat
and use facts. [ Laughter ] -Well, let’s see —
I’m a self-made businessman, a proven leader,
and a New York icon, whereas you just play
those things on TV. [ Laughter,
cheers and applause ] Plus, I was mayor
of the greatest city in America with the greatest audience
in the world. [ Cheers and applause ] -Well, I do love
New York City mayors. I even keep one as a pet.
Good boy. Good boy. Good boy. But, anyway, this is
the big leagues, Mike, the bigly big leagues,
so let me ask — What would you do if you got
to sit where I’m sitting? -Well, first, I’d wipe
the KFC grease off the seat… [ Laughter ] …maybe take some of those
Kid Rock posters off the walls, and then I’d tackle key issues
like climate change and gun safety
and income inequality… [ Cheers and applause ] …which would mean
raising taxes on billionaires. -Wait. I’m gonna have to pay
more in taxes? -No, I said billionaires. [ Laughter,
cheers and applause ] -That was a low blow, Mike. I’m actually a very successful
person just like you. I’ve created and run
many beautiful businesses, and none of them have failed… besides the casinos. -And the university?
-Oh, yeah. -And the magazine.
-That’s right. -And the steaks.
-Uh-huh. -And the water.
-Forgot about that one. -And the board game.
-I did that? -And the vodka.
-Pour one out. -And the airline.
-Okay! Okay! Okay! Let’s change the subject!
I don’t like this. I don’t like this game. [ Cheers and applause ] Here’s one more very perfect,
very important question — Are you watching the Super Bowl
this weekend? -Yes, I am. Actually,
I have a 60-second commercial airing during the game. -Really? Me, too.
What’s yours about? -It’s about an important issue
facing our country right now and how I can use my experience
as a mayor and business leader to bring America forward. -Cool. In my commercial, I get really
angry, then I eat a Snickers bar and turn into Betty White. [ Laughter ] -Well, it’s been a fun
interview, “Mini” Mike. That’s my nickname for you,
by the way, Mini Mike. Do you have
any nicknames for me? -Well, usually,
I just call you that [bleep]. [ Laughter ] -Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Stop that!
I’ve heard enough. I’ve heard enough. I guess you learn a lot of
colorful words in New York City. Rudy! No! Rudy! I got to go, Mike.
Rudy just peed on the carpet. No, Rudy! Bad boy! Rudy!