Chance The Rapper Changes the News One Word at a Time

Chance The Rapper Changes the News One Word at a Time


BEING A LATE NIGHT HOST REQUIRES READING A LOT OF HEADLINE,
HONESTLY, THAT GETS EXTREMELY DEPRESSION– DE PRESSING VERY
FAST. SO I DECIDED TO TAKE SOME OF
TODAY’S HEADLINES AND PUT A POSITIVE SPIN ON THEM. I’M GLAD YOU GUYS LIKE THE IDEA. THIS IS A SEGMENT THAT I LIKE TO
CALL CHANCE’S HEADLINES.>>Reggie: CHANCES HEADLINES. ♪.>>ALL RIGHT, THIS FIRST
HEADLINE IS FROM THE GUARDIAN, IT READS HEALTH OFFICIALS SAY
TWO ALCOHOLIC DRINKS A DAY NO LONGER SAFE. NO, NO, NO, NO. THAT WON’T DO. LET’S TRY HEALTH OFFICIALS SAY
TWO ALCOHOLIC DRINKS A DAY, NO LONGER ENOUGH TO HAVE HARM. (APPLAUSE)
ALL RIGHT, YOU GET THE GUEST. THOUSANDS, THIS ONE IS CNN, I
LOVE THIS ONE. THOUSANDS OF PENIS FISH WASHED
UP ON A CALIFORNIA BEACH. ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT, THERE
IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT ONE, THAT ONE IS FINE. JUST TO BE CLEAR THOUGH, THIS
SAY REAL THING. PENIS FISH EXIST. THIS IS WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE. RIGHT? WHERE IS THE FISH? LET’S TRY ANOTHER ONE. THIS ONE IS FROM CNN ALL RIGHT. STARBUCKS HAS FIRED EMPLOYEE WHO
GAVE OKLAHOMA OFFICER ORDER WITH PIG PRINTED ON THE LABEL. OKAY STARBUCKS, THAT’S PRETTY
POLITICALLY CHARGED. THIS WILL TAKE A LITTLE BIT OF
WORK.>>ALL RIGHT, LET’S TRY,
STARBUCKS HAS PROMOTEED EMPLOYEE WHO GAVE OKLAHOMA CANINE ORDER
WITH PUG PRINTED ON THE LABEL.>>YEAH.>>MUCH BETTER MOST DOGS CAN’T
EVEN READ. SO ALL RIGHT, THIS ONE IS ALSO
FROM CNN. GREAT NEWS SOURCE. CNN SAYS OKAY, OBAMA SAYS WOMEN
INDISPUTABLY BETTER AT LEADING. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
OBAMA AND CHANCE THE RAPPER SAY WOMEN– INDISPUTABLY BETTER AT
LEADING. NEXT UP A HEADLINE FROM ABC
NEWS. ALL RIGHT. FISH OIL DRUG APPROVED TO TREAT
HEART ISSUES. THIS ONE IS A NO BRAINER. PENIS FISH OIL DRUG APPROVED TO
TREAT HEART ISSUES. YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING WITH
ALL THOSE PENIS FISH. HERE IS OUR LAST ONE. FINALLY ONE MORE HEADLINE FROM
CNN. CHANCE THE WRAPPER SAYS HE’S
CANCELING HIS 2020 TOUR TO FOCUS ON FAMILY AND MUSIC. SLIGHT CHANCE. CHANCE THE RAPPER SAYS HE’S
CANCELING HIS 2020 TOUR TO FOCUS ON FAMILY AND BECOMING A LATE
NIGHT HOST! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

24 Replies to “Chance The Rapper Changes the News One Word at a Time

  1. how has the internet never heard of penis fish before? is it like a newly discovered species or does no one study marine biology anymore??

  2. fuckin looooove chancee, you dont to be mainstream or perform on every talk show, or win every award to be a fuckin awesome person and performer, loove that hes more on the underrated side

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