Breaking News: Nail Polish

Breaking News: Nail Polish

So the Oscars were last night. It was a great show, I thought. I really did.>>[APPLAUSE]
>>I thought Chris Rock was great, and I thought the acceptance
speeches were extremely accepting. There’s a lot to talk about. First, lets talk about best actor. It was supposed to go
to Leonardo DiCaprio. And what?>>[INAUDIBLE]
>>Breaking news?>>Yeah.
>>Okay. [MUSIC]>>This just in. Ladies, if you finally found a nail polish
that you love, it has been discontinued. In fact, the more you love it the more
likely it is you’ll never find it again.>>[LAUGH]
>>Once again, don’t bother going back to the store. Don’t ask if they have
any more in the back. They don’t have it. The same goes for your favorite bra.>>[LAUGH]
>>We now return you to your regular programming. [MUSIC]>>That didn’t seem necessary.>>[APPLAUSE]
>>Okay. All right. Back to the Oscars. For months, everybody was saying that
Leonardo DiCaprio was going to win for Best Actor, and now we finally know that [MUSIC]>>This just in. If you start a sentence by saying, this might not be politically correct,
don’t finish that sentence.>>[LAUGH]
>>It might make perfect sense to you, but whatever you’re thinking, keep it
inside for as long as you possibly can.>>[LAUGH]
>>Once again, don’t finish your politically
incorrect statement, because you might not be a racist, but let’s not find out while you’re
meeting your daughter’s new boyfriend.>>[LAUGH]
>>We now return you to your regular programming. [SOUND]
>>[APPLAUSE]>>You know, I’m not gonna keep talking
if this keeps happening. Mr. News Anchor, if you’re gonna
interrupt me just do it now then.>>[LAUGH]
>>Okay, Leonardo DiCaprio. [MUSIC] [APPLAUSE]
>>This just in, damn Daniel.>>[LAUGH]
>>We now return you to your regular program. [APPLAUSE]
>>That was important?

21 Replies to “Breaking News: Nail Polish

  1. This may not be politically correct but… shouldn't word 'polish' in the title ('Breaking News: Nail Polish') be spelled with a small letter 'P'? Doesn't the title Nail Polish sound… politically incorrect? 🙂 😀

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