Birthday Cake Bird Birth | No Laugh Newsroom

Birthday Cake Bird Birth | No Laugh Newsroom

– [Announcer] From West
Hollywood, California, the only news team that doesn’t know what’s on the teleprompter
before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points. This is Breaking News. – Hello and welcome to the Breaking News, The show where we have no
idea what we’re about to say and aren’t allowed to smile or laugh. I’m Finna Getit. – And I’m Bette Menforever. Starting out with a little fun, we’re getting reports of an armed robbery at the La Puente Pic ‘N’ Save. None were spared. – That is fun. On tonight’s show: Teens. – What the latest teen craze
could say about your parenting. – We’ll also cover a recipe
from my personal collection. – And get some answers on why everyone’s mad at Buster Keaton. – Spoiler alert, he looks
wet and that’s hard to trust. – All that and more (laughs) – Keep it together. – All that and more spilling out of my little shrimp rocket in just a minute. – But first, let’s pop,
lock and drop on over to the weather, which
due to our budget cuts, will be handled by our
very own Bette Menforever. Bette? – That’s me. (laughs) A cold is gonna take you. It’s going to hold you down for eternity. I’m talking of course, about death. Back to you, Finna. – Thank you. That was honest and fair. Back to you. – And right back to you. – Thank you. Our top story for tonight: A bird gave birth on a child’s birthday cake in MacArthur Park. Was it kismet? – Here’s Gale Gobble on the scene. – Thanks Bette. I’m here (groans loudly) Thanks, Bette. I’m here with my dick in
my hand in MacArthur Park. Witnesses reported a normal birthday, people by a lake holding red SOLO cups, and at least one person
with a backwards hat. Moments later, a thick-ass bird blew her load all over the place. – Heartwarming. – Indeed. And now one question
is on everyone’s mind: Did you fart, or did I need dental work? Oh my, only time will tell. I’m Gale Gobble. Gobble, gobble, gobblin’ up that pussy. Back to you. (laughs) – Well, you turd it (laughs) Well, you turd it fear cursed. We turn our attention over to the newest teen craze: crowning. All you need is your head
and a flexible friend. – I’m sorry to interrupt, Bette, but we’re getting some breaking news here. With that is our
correspondent, Amy Schumer. – I feel pretty. – Never interrupt me again. I’m back again. Back for more. I’m a greedy little booty
gargoyle, beauty carbroyle. Carl Sr. is my father,
but enough about me. Ben Affleck is rolling out a clothing line for pear-shaped men, but will it last? – I certainly hope not. The pear apparel. This pear apparel apparently pairs flared wear with luxury pricing, and that really fucks my nuts. How about you, Finna? – Hell yeah, this whole
thing sticks in my craw and it’s not just a sticky
little crumb like last time. – I’m in the same boat and I
just pulled into Ellis Island. – We leave you now with our final segment: Cooking on a Dime. Put a
thumb-sized piece of dough on your favorite ten-cent coin. And a saucy pepperoni
and bake for minutes. – That’s all the time we have. From Breaking News, I’m Bette Menforever. – And I’m Finna Getit. Before we go, we have some personal news. We’re very proud to announce this week’s Employee of
the Week. It’s Grant. – I’m pretty comfortable with that. (clapping) I think that makes a lot of sense. I feel like there’s some things
we’re ignoring, but great. Thanks so much for watching.

100 Replies to “Birthday Cake Bird Birth | No Laugh Newsroom

  1. ::Watches video::
    ?……?……..?……oh Finna getit that’s good but not funny good…..?……?……?.

    Well it was a very well written sketch but I didn’t smile much and didn’t laugh. I would recommend though.

  2. All i watch is Katie and Raph on these. From rank room, hardly working to the video podcast. More chestang and marovitch. Thats a series right there. Marovitch & Chestang

  3. Katie not laughing while she and others say insane gaysezual things is the funniest thing Ive seen in years

  4. This is great because Grant cannot say a single sentence without breaking twice while Katie is a fucking automaton.

  5. how about a standing ovation for katie here…
    she hardly laugh at all very amazing…
    or she's just stressed with her series "kingpin katie"

    i love you katie!!!

  6. If you laugh one long laugh continuously the entire game, that’s only one laugh, you win
    Modern problems require modern solutions

  7. The whole video is funny, but I didn't laugh until Katie said "and bake for minutes" ??? How many minutes? ?

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